HM Magazine Intern Diary: 7.6.09

Check out the Warped Tour review Kelly and I collaborated on.

There will be more later, but for now I’m done messing with photos not uploading and I’m tired and the Ranch smells like skunk because a freaking skunk sprayed under the house, the overwhelming stench from which woke me up at 6 a.m. and has been driving me crazy all day and at least Doug agreed that it’s overpowering so I know I’m not crazy and I’m about to go to the grocery store and Taco Bell because I haven’t eaten in a long time and I’m out of food and I don’t care if this is one long sentence because I’m about ready to punt the nearest small animal/child that wanders in my path.

Good day sir.
Corey Erb

“You do not want a quote right now.” – This guy.

HM Magazine Intern Diary: 5.28.09

I feel like an impostor. What do you do when you just don’t feel like worshiping? This question was brought to my mind again last night at life group when the kids came in for dinner as we were finishing singing worship songs and there was one little girl who was singing as loud as she could and was just really into it. I felt part of me getting annoyed and then I thought, “Why am I getting mad about a child pouring her heart out and connecting with her Creator?”

The thought sickens me. I’ve been wrestling with the concept of worship ever since I became a Christian almost four years ago. I have honestly felt like worshiping before, but those times are becoming sparse and are usually at a really good concert or conference or something unrelated to a Sunday church service. I’ve prayed about it and dismissed it as something I trust God will bring me through on His time, but I feel like now’s as good a time as any to really consider my position on worship. How am I going to be an intern at a Christian music magazine like HM that covers all these bands that are so passionate about worshiping God through music when I don’t even like singing along to worship songs?

I mean, it could come from growing up as a Midwesterner who was never really encouraged to sing, but even if so, I want to be that child on the floor singing my lungs out in awe of my God, just overflowing with joy, not worrying about whether I’m singing in tune or anything else. Most times, I feel quite the opposite. There’s this bitterness inside me that says, “Why should I sing? I don’t know this song, I don’t like cheesy worship music, I don’t like that worship leader’s voice… Besides, I bet there are some starving children down the street who aren’t going to be fed by me singing some stupid songs.” Why do I feel this way? Doug made an offhand comment last night about reasons we don’t feel like worshiping, but it really resonated with me. I’ll paraphrase and post it as the quote below. Suffice it to say, though, the concept of worship is enigmatic to me.

Doug and I talked about it today and decided we’re going to start a Bible study looking at the biblical idea of worship, particularly in the Psalms. I’m looking forward to hearing Doug’s perspective and I’m praying that God would give me a better understanding and change my heart if He’s ready to do so.

I’m interested to hear your thoughts, too. Do you have any verses about worship that you’d like to share? Have you ever found yourself in a similar funk? If so, what did you do about it? What do you think of Doug’s quote below?

A confused “adult” wishing he was a child again,
Corey Erb

“There are two things that keep us from worshiping: A bad attitude and sin in our lives.” – Doug Van Pelt